A Raconteur Girl Production

Posts tagged “family

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Lilacs for Lucy

 

Resting Under Lilacs Collage

 

Lilacs for Lucy

 

 

Lilacs for Lucy

Blooming so delicately

Nanna didn’t want flowers

Who wants flowers

When you can have a whole tree?

 

A bouquet may be lovely

But as soon as its cut – it’s dying

A tree is the opposite

Growing, breathing

Part of creation, thriving

 

So it’s Lilacs for Lucy

It’s a tree for my Nanna

A tree for your Mum

A tree for your Friend

A tree for your Great Grandmother

 

When I think of Nanna

I picture a garden home

Messy, rambling, beautiful

Where veggies are planted next to flowers

And where wild nasturtiums roam

 

Green through and through

From her thumbs to her toes

Like a Hobbit from Derbyshire

It seemed to me

Things grow wherever Nanna goes

 

Walking in her garden I hear a canary whistle

Then break into trilling song

I hear the soft shuffle of quails

And the flutter of finches

Chirping and dancing along

 

I see Nanna sitting by a fire

Lost in knit and pearl

Her needles click clacking away

She’s making warm woollen socks

For some lucky little girl

 

Other times I see her wearing black rimmed glasses

Engrossed in a riveting tale

A cup of tea poured

But then forgotten

Growing cold on the table

 

Will I see Nanna again?

Sitting peaceful by her fire once more?

Yes, I know I will

But in the meantime I have my memories

And the stories passed down from days of yore

 

(Ok, so maybe I exaggerate

They’re not exactly days of Yore

More like days of yesteryear.

No? Still insulting? Ok, sorry. I’ll be more specific:

The days of Mom, Uncle Tom, Uncle Mike and Uncle George

😉  )

 

I remember being fascinated by Nanna’s teapots

She collected so many over the decades

She set them out amongst a myriad other memorabilia

Those dusty shelves crowded

In a wrong, but somehow so right, random, bohemian display

 

I remember brown boxes of Cadbury Chocolate

Factory cast offs Nanna had bought

I remember those jars of colourful Boiled Sweets

Those packets of English Toffees

And those bags of Liquorice All Sorts

 

It was Nanna who introduced me to the art of shopping

She took me to “vintage” stores galore

While Nanna searched for second hand trinkets

I discovered clothes and shoes and hats

Eclectic styles from years past, to mix and match, and explore

 

I close my eyes and hear Nanna’s soft English accent

It coloured every word she would say

Her kind and mild way of speaking

“Dook” she would call me

In that unique Derbyshire way

 

I remember constantly asking Nanna: “How old are you?”

And to my consternation and grief

She’d always reply with a twinkle:

“I’m as old as my tongue

And a little bit older than my teeth”

 

But there were times that Nanna was not so gentle

Like when she had pruning shears in hand

I remember her ruthlessly attacking

A defenceless bush in our front yard

Hacking away until only a stump was left to stand

 

Then there was the way she played scrabble

How competitive she would get!

Like she’d swallowed a dictionary

She’d thrash you soundly on triple word scores

And then off she’d go to bed

 

I remember Mom once laughed relating

About the time Nanna had a hankering to buy some Llamas

“You have a big back yard Jean” she said “there’s plenty of room”

I don’t know why Mom said no, it really could’ve been a thing

Lucy and Jean – Kingston’s suburban Llama farmers

 

Then there was the time Nanna got her ears pierced

Long dangly hooked earrings and all!

I remember being so impressed

Whoever had such a Nanna?

It was just way too cool!

 

There are so many memories:

Nanna’s false teeth grossing me out, sitting in a glass

How she called Mick “Mickey” on the first day they met

Her gentle smile, her hair when it was black

Nanna teaching me how to play draughts

 

But mostly it’s a feeling I remember

No matter where I’d roam

No matter where I’d go

Nanna was the place

The place that meant home

 

Memories are a gift

Something no one can take away

They grow richer in the face of sorrow

They grow more precious

They become history that defeats the grave

 

I am grateful that I have these memories

Though right now my eyes tear and mist

I miss Nanna

And I’ll miss her for a while

For now, my Nanna’s gone to rest

 

But I know one day soon Nanna will awake

On that day she’ll be vibrant and strong

She’ll once again plant beautiful, messy, rambling gardens

She’ll get to be that Llama farmer

And she’ll listen as her Canary sings a happy welcoming song

 

I picture Nanna showing her great great great grandchildren

How to play draughts, how to prune a tree

How to knit socks, how not to suck at scrabble

And relating tales and stories

Of how life in the old world used to be

 

Yes, Lilacs for Lucy

Lilacs blooming so delicately

A hardy tree with a beautiful flower

That will grow and thrive

And live to eternity

 

 

Rach

25 July 2015

 

 

– See you again soon Nanna, with all my love, Rach

John 5:28,29 –  Revelation:21:4 – John 11:11-44

 

 

 

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Do Over

 

Al and Rach Collage

 

 

Do Over

 

 

I want a do over

 

Please

Can I?

 

I want to take back

Those words I didn’t say

Those things I didn’t do

I want to stop the tide

I want to have you by my side

 

I want a do over

 

I want to take back

The time I didn’t try

 

I want to take back

When I didn’t dry those tears

You didn’t cry

 

I want to take back

The things I didn’t see

But should have

 

I want to have you here

Here where you should be

 

I want you to know

It wasn’t that I didn’t care

It was that I didn’t realise

 

I didn’t see

I didn’t hear

You needed me

 

I was in so much of my own pain

I couldn’t feel anything else

I couldn’t see beyond

I was numb

I was deaf, mute and dumb

 

But I should have seen

I should have been

Your friend

 

I should have thought

I should have caught

Your despair

 

I should have known

I should have shown

I care

 

But I was too late, you were too far

And now here we are

 

I want a do over

 

Back in time

Back before

Back to then

 

I’ll see, I’ll listen

I’ll realise

 

And if I don’t

I’ll scream at myself

Until I do

 

I’ll feel

I’ll be your friend

Like I should have been back then

I’ll defend

 

I want a do over

 

 

Rach

2015

 

 

“Our brothers and sisters are there with us from the dawn of our personal stories to the inevitable dusk.”  – Susan Scarf Merrell

 

“Our siblings push buttons that cast us in roles we felt sure we had let go of long ago — the baby, the peacekeeper, the caretaker, the avoider…. It doesn’t seem to matter how much time has elapsed or how far we’ve travelled.” – Jane Mersky Leder

 

“It was nice growing up with someone like you — someone to lean on, someone to count on… someone to tell on!” – Anon

 

 

 


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Trust

 

love all trust a few collage - black edging

 

 

Trust

 

 

 

Much more observant than I seem

I see all the in between

I know what lies behind the words

I see the nouns in the verbs

 

I’ve seen the signs and heard the tales

I know how the wind can fill those sails

When gossip blows no anchor can hold and stay

And a reputation is simply blown away

 

Critical tongues cut and rake

As their pound of flesh they take

They don’t regard the pain they cause

As salt they pour on still festering sores

 

Trying to prove superior by critical talk

Is like trying to carve a stone with chalk

It’s pointless and useless and it doesn’t work

All it ever achieves is hurt

 

Jealousy is a devouring beast

When it finds a target, it finds a feast

It picks and pokes and whips, until it draws blood

And what begins as a trickle, all too soon becomes a flood

 

So I look and listen and I take note

And I don’t jump on just any boat

I don’t give my trust to those without heart

If I see them coming, I depart

 

For I’m not as young as you might think

I’ve stood upon hell’s fiery brink

I’ve been to the war and seen the slain

I’ve seen how lies kill and maim

 

Deep as a well inside this skin

The clown facade is light and thin

Serious lurks just beneath

A vigilant warrior against any fickle thief

 

The vague is just a disguise I wear

A shield against what I cannot bear

Knowledge burns behind tired eyes

Experience has left them worldly wise

 

Seeing things that most would miss

Always expecting the Judas kiss

Hoping over and over to be wrong

Even as sound the first notes of that familiar song

 

Trust is given at great risk and cost

And trust is never ever simply lost

It departs like fireworks on a new years day

It bursts without warning and then fades away

 

As wreaths of sorrow for innocence we lay

It takes an odyssey to regain something still in decay

Born from the ashes of loss and grief

A shrewd phoenix rises from the fire with new belief

 

When the price of gaining wisdom has been betrayal

Born from life’s stinging hail

It’s difficult to let another in

It takes time to learn how to believe again

 

All too clearly you can see the coming pain

So you withdraw early from the game

You hide, you run, you disappear

You cloak yourself with a fake veneer

 

Sometimes you wish you didn’t know

You couldn’t see how things will go

That you were stupid and thick and dumb

That you hadn’t had to learn to run

 

That experience hadn’t given you new eyes

That you still believed all the lies

That you hadn’t lost those rose coloured glasses

That you still saw over every fence, greener grasses

 

Because although you have learnt to let go and forgive

To simply live and let live

You don’t expect anything from anyone anymore

Self sufficiency keeps the cold from the door

 

But when amongst the rocks you do find a gem

You treasure it for always, just as you did back then

The diamonds in your life are brighter than before

Because they’ve been through the fire and the war

 

The most beautiful diamond sparkling bright

Is the one you found on the deepest, darkest night

It’s the most valuable treasure of your life

Made indestructible through all the strife

 

A shiny new trust that will never fade

Born from standing beneath the blade

Faith and trust in your Father above

Hope, strong and solid in the God of all love

 

He’s there to carry you where you can’t walk

All the things He says are more than just talk

He’s shown you over and over, He will always be there

He will always come through, He will always care

 

Someday soon He will bring an end

To all the sorrow and grief, and the need to pretend

His world will bring a paradise of truth

Where you will be able to trust without proof

 

Where friends are real in word and deed

Where words are meant and can be believed

Where you never need fear to let yourself be known

For genuine people will be where ever you roam

 

Walls will come apart brick by brick

No matter how long they’ve been up, no matter how thick

A healing of souls long torn to shreds

As flowers bloom in what were once thorny beds

 

Tired eyes will smile on that day

I’ll open the doors and let the vigilance blow away

The clown will dance for real and not for fake

A heart free to love, without fearing to break

 

Trust will be reborn never to fade

No more wreaths will need ever more be laid

Jehovah will see and smile down from up above

As like mirrors we reflect his trust and indestructible love

 

 

Rach

2010

 

 

 

“Do not put your trust in princes. Nor in a son of man, who cannot bring salvation.”

– Ps 146:3

 

 

“Trust in Jehovah forever.”

– Isaiah 26:4

 

 

“Those knowing your name will trust in you; You will never abandon those seeking you, O Jehovah.”

– Ps 9:10

 

 

“The last thing we expect others to do, it’s the last thing they do before we learn we cannot trust them.” 

― Lauren Kate, Teardrop

 

 

“Ultimately, there can be no complete healing until we have restored our primal trust in life.”

― Georg Feuerstein

 

 

“Once she had loved Prince Joffrey with all her heart, and admired and trusted her his mother, the queen. They had repaid that love and trust with her father’s head. Sansa would never make that mistake again.”

― George R.R. Martin, A Clash of Kings

 

 

 “Few delights can equal the mere presence of one whom we trust utterly.”

― George MacDonald

 

 

“In God we trust, all others we virus scan.”

– Anon

 

 

“For there to be betrayal, there would have to have been trust first.”

― Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games

 

 

“A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud. I am arrived at last in the presence of a man so real and equal, that I may drop even those undermost garments of dissimulation, courtesy, and second thought, which men never put off, and may deal with him with the simplicity and wholeness with which one chemical atom meets another.” 

― Ralph Waldo Emerson, Essays: First Series

 

 

“Be silent and safe — silence never betrays you; 

Be true to your word and your work and your friend; 

Put least trust in him who is foremost to praise you,

Nor judge of a road till it draw to the end.” 

― John Boyle O’Reilly, Life of John Boyle O’Reilly

 

 

“We’re paying the highest tribute you can pay a man. We trust him to do right. It’s that simple.” 

― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

 

 
“Trust starts with truth and ends with truth.”

― Santosh Kalwar, Quote Me Everyday

 

 

 
“But it does not seem that I can trust anyone,’ said Frodo.
Sam looked at him unhappily. ‘It all depends on what you want,’ put in Merry. ‘You can trust us to stick with you through thick and thin–to the bitter end. And you can trust us to keep any secret of yours–closer than you keep it yourself. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone, and go off without a word. We are your friends, Frodo.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

 

 

“The shifts of fortune test the reliability of friends.”

― Cicero, De Senectute De Amicitia

 

 

“Trusting that you will some time or other do me greater justice than you can do now.” 

― Jane Austen, Emma

 

 

“In those days we did not trust anyone who had not been in the war, but we did not
completely trust anyone.”

― Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

 

 

“I lost my sense of trust, honesty and compassion. I crashed down and became what I consider an emotional mess. I’ve never been so miserable in my whole life. I just wanted to go to bed and never get up.”

― Shania Twain

 

 

“Never trust a man with a lunatic wife in an attic,” Richard told me. “And anyone named Heathcliff should make you suspicious.”

― John Irving, In One Person

 

 

“Kids are trusting and wise and I cannot think of a less useful combination to be born with. The wisdom lets children know who they are. And then the trust lets everyone else take that knowledge away.”

― Sean Wilsey, Oh the Glory of it All

 

 

“I resolved to tell my guardian that I doubted Orlick being the right sort of man to fill a post of trust at Miss Havisham’s. ‘Why of course he is not the right sort of man, Pip,’ said my guardian, comfortably satisfied beforehand on the general head, ‘because the man who fills the post of trust never is the right sort of man.”

― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

 

 

“We should trust people to be exactly what they have proven themselves to be, no more and no less.”

― Ryan Winfield, South of Bixby Bridge

 

 

“Me, I’m dishonest, and you can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest. Honestly, it’s the honest ones you have to watch out for.”

― Johnny Depp

 

 

“Never trust a computer you can’t throw out a window.”

― Steve Wozniak

 

 

“I go to movies expecting to have a whole experience. If I want a movie that doesn’t end, I’ll go to a French movie. That’s a betrayal of trust to me. A movie has to be complete within itself; it can’t just build off the first one or play variations.”

― Joss Whedon

 

 

“Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosy… doesn’t try it on.”

― Billy Connolly

 

 

“I’ve always very earnestly tried to do my best, so I just have to trust that and forgive myself for being fallible.”

― Claire Danes

 

 

 

 (Yep. Went a bit nuts with the quotes on this poem – 😛 There are just so many great ones. I guess trust is a common issue – making it a reoccurring theme through out history. ~ R )

 

 

 

 


Video

Your Love

 

At Hyde Park 2009  with quote and white

 

 

Your Love

 

 

 

I never felt truly free

Until I met you

I know you see me

See me for all that I am

You the only one who can

 

You can see through me

Through to my heart

You see all my pretend

You see all my good

You see me like no one else ever could

 

When I’m scared

You know; you care

You always tell me

The things I need to hear

You always vanish away all my fear

 

You’re the first person

To make me feel loved

You love me more

Than I love myself

There could never be anyone else

 

 

You make me feel

Like nothing I do matters

In that nothing I do

Could ever drive you away

You’re really here by my side to stay

 

With you I can fly

I can be who I am

I can say what I think

I am free just to be

Serious, silly, stupid, boring, sad, happy, me

 

I can tell you anything

Can tell you everything

And sometimes I can tell

You don’t know what to say

The important thing is you never turn away

 

The kindest soul

The sweetest person

You healed the hurt

Calmed the storm

You took all my cold and made it warm

 

When I look in the mirror

You’re the one I see

You’re standing beside me

Through every minute of everyday

Even if you’re half a world away

 

You hold my hand

In both of yours

You’re warm lips on mine

You hold me tight

Through every cold, dark and dreary night

 

My heart was crushed

But you’ve replaced it with yours

You’ve given me warmth

Given me a love I can’t describe

Your love has made me come alive

 

You are my haven

With you I feel safe

I trust you with it all

I give you my life; my heart

I trust you to forever and ever, never to part

 

 

Rach

2009

 

~ For Mickey D… with all my love!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!!!

 


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Al

 

Al & Me 2 Collage with Quote by Clara Ortega

 

 

Al

 

 

 

 

I didn’t realize it

Until he went away

How much I’d miss him

How much I wish he could stay

 

Sitting at the airport

After saying goodbye

I suddenly felt

An overwhelming urge to cry

 

Al had made a real effort

When times had been bad

To help me get out

To keep me from getting too sad

 

He bought me a bike

He took me to soccer

And I know if he hadn’t cared

He really wouldn’t have bothered

 

We had some issues

A few problems earlier on

But we got over those

And learnt to get along

 

I found Al’s sense of humor

And love of good wine

Made him the best company

When I needed to unwind

 

And there isn’t a more passionate

Or fanatical football fan

Playing it and watching it

Whenever he can

 

But I love football

So that suited me too

And Al and I

Watched a live match or two

 

But our taste in movies

Is a little bit different

I like a happy ending

Whereas Al likes them deep and a bit bent

 

But we always enjoyed it

No matter how bad the movie turned out to be

The beer afterwards really helped us forget

The crap we’d wasted ten bucks to see

 

So even when it was hard

When all I wanted to do was cry

We still had fun together

Al and I

 

I realize now

Al was as hurt as me in his own way

He just didn’t say it as much

In that typical guy way

 

But now we are both doing well

Seems our wounds are healing

We understand each other better

We have more fellow feeling

 

Al’s a good guy

He’s a great brother

And I’m really happy that we have

More appreciation for each other

 

So it’s kind of sad

Now things are happy and everything is ok

To be so far apart

To be so far away

 

But I guess missing Al

Is better than not

Because at least it shows

We’ve both grown up a lot

 

I will always remember

That when the chips were down

Al was there for me

And helped me turn things around

 

That’s what family is for

That’s what brothers and sisters do

They give and forgive

And they love (erk choke argh spit) each other too

 

 

 

Rach

2009

 

 

~ for my brother and my friend,  Al ~

 

 

“I don’t believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers.

It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage.

Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at.”

– Maya Angelou

 

 

 

“After a girl is grown,

Her little brother

– Now her protector –

Seems more like a big brother.”

– Astrid Alauda

 

 

 

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Sometimes

 

Sometimes (Hug) Collage - with Hug quote

 

 

 

Sometimes

 

 

 

 

Sometimes we need a great big hug

To be shown a little love

Sometimes we need a kind word

To feel we’re really being heard

 

Sometimes we need to be known

To feel we’re not all alone

Sometimes we need to laugh out loud

To be a part of a happy crowd

 

Sometimes we need to unwind

To have a little chocolate a little wine

Sometimes we need to rise again

To see a beginning and not an end

 

Sometimes we need to stop pretence

To have a friend who won’t take offense

Sometimes we need others to look beneath

The skin and bone to the heart that beats

 

Sometimes we need to be understood

To be valued for all our good

Sometimes we need to be told

That we’re worth our weight in gold!

 

 

Rach

2008

 

 

 


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The Way I Am

 

friends are the family we choose

 

 

 

The Way I Am

 

 

 

The way I was

Is the way I am

Something you don’t seem

to understand

 

 

I haven’t changed

Though life’s moved on

I’m still the girl

You used to lean upon

 

 

I still feel the way

I always did

To live is to laugh

There’s nothing I’ve hid

 

 

We used to talk

We’d joke and play

I could spend time

With you all day

 

 

You’d pull a face

And I would grin

I knew I could trust you

with anything

 

 

It would take far more

Than a stormy day

To make me give up

Make me cast you away

 

 

My friends I care for

And treasure for life

I don’t discard them

In times of strife

 

 

So don’t forget me

I’m not far away

I’m still your friend

Believe what I say

 

 

So if you need a shoulder

Or a listening ear

Come on over

I’m waiting right here

 

 

Waiting to laugh

Wanting to play

Happy to see you

Hoping you’ll stay

 

 

 

Rach

2007